Home   Forums   Gallery   Vendors   Advertising   Links
Go Back   DieselRam.com > Other Topics > Other Topics
Other Topics The name says it all. Are you bored? Have a rough day? Cat cough up a hairball? Well come on in and tell us about it! Here you will find discussions on almost everything under the sun. No Religion Or Politics are to be discussed here.
Reply
 
Thread Tools Search this Thread
  #1  
Old 05-25-2005
45Auto's Avatar
45Auto 45Auto is offline
Senior Member
 
Join Date: Aug 2003
Location: Asscrackistan
Posts: 8,394
Default Joke of the day!

A man and a woman, who have never met before, but are both married to other people, found themselves assigned to the same sleeping room on Transcontinental train. Though initially embarrassed and uneasy over sharing a room, They were both very tired and fell asleep quickly... he in the upper bunk and she in the lower.

At 1:00 AM, the man leaned over and gently woke the woman
saying,????"Ma'am, I'm sorry to bother you, but would you be willing to reach into the closet to get me a second blanket? I'm awfully
cold." "I have a better idea," she replied. "Just for tonight,
let's pretend that we're married."
"Wow! That's a great idea!"
he exclaimed."Good," she replied. "Get your own f*@#*%#
blanket!"

After a moment of silence, he farted [img]/forum/images/%%GRAEMLIN_URL%%/laugh.gif[/img]
__________________
04 Laramie (H) 2500 HO QC 4X4 48RE 3:73 LS Putco Boss Bars LineX AFE Stage II Silver Stars 956 Moto's high idle ROKK sensor FASS MagHytec Diffs & DD trans pan

The Second Amendment is only vague if:
1. You cannot read and comprehend the English language
2. Choose to selectively alter the meaning of "the people" from amendment to amendment
3. Have never read any of the writings of the Founders

Anything else is a willful effort to twist the meaning of the Constitution to fit an agenda, or profound stupidity."
Reply With Quote
  #2  
Old 05-25-2005
MAXTORQ's Avatar
MAXTORQ MAXTORQ is online now
Administrator
 
Join Date: Jan 2004
Location: GOLDEN ,COLORADO
Posts: 18,907
Send a message via Yahoo to MAXTORQ Send a message via Skype™ to MAXTORQ
Default Re: Joke of the day!

AHHH marital bliss. Nothing like a covered wagon trick. It would be true love if she were to queef back. [img]/forum/images/%%GRAEMLIN_URL%%/laugh.gif[/img]
__________________


www.maxtorqdiesel.com
Reply With Quote
  #3  
Old 05-26-2005
45Auto's Avatar
45Auto 45Auto is offline
Senior Member
 
Join Date: Aug 2003
Location: Asscrackistan
Posts: 8,394
Default Re: Joke of the day!

LOL, Max, you have been there and done that, I'm sure! [img]/forum/images/%%GRAEMLIN_URL%%/eek.gif[/img] [img]/forum/images/%%GRAEMLIN_URL%%/laugh.gif[/img]
__________________
04 Laramie (H) 2500 HO QC 4X4 48RE 3:73 LS Putco Boss Bars LineX AFE Stage II Silver Stars 956 Moto's high idle ROKK sensor FASS MagHytec Diffs & DD trans pan

The Second Amendment is only vague if:
1. You cannot read and comprehend the English language
2. Choose to selectively alter the meaning of "the people" from amendment to amendment
3. Have never read any of the writings of the Founders

Anything else is a willful effort to twist the meaning of the Constitution to fit an agenda, or profound stupidity."
Reply With Quote
  #4  
Old 05-26-2005
coolbeans's Avatar
coolbeans coolbeans is offline
Senior Member
 
Join Date: Mar 2005
Location: Wyoming
Posts: 318
Default Re: Joke of the day!

Here's some you may have seen B4, but really funny......

Here are the top nine comments made by NBC sports commentators so far during the Summer Olympics that they would like to take back:

1. Weightlifting commentator: "This is Gregoriava from Bulgaria. I saw her snatch this morning during her warm up and it was amazing."

2. Dressage commentator: "This is really a lovely horse and I speak from personal experience since I once mounted her mother."

3. Paul Hamm, Gymnast: "I owe a lot to my parents, especially my mother and father."

4. Boxing Analyst: "Sure there have been injuries, and even some deaths in boxing, but none of them really that serious."

5. Softball announcer: "If history repeats itself, I should think we can expect the same thing again."

6. Basketball analyst: "He dribbles a lot and the opposition doesn't like it. In fact you can see it all over their faces."

7. At the rowing medal ceremony: "Ah, isn't that nice, the wife of the IOC president is hugging the cox of the British crew."

8. Soccer commentator: "Julian Dicks is everywhere. It's like they've got eleven Dicks on the field."

9. Tennis commentator: "One of the reasons Andy is playing so well is that, before the final round, his wife takes out his balls and kisses them... Oh my God, what have I just said?"

45 - Excellent joke!
__________________
'13 RAM 2500 CTD CC 4x4 SLT 68RFE * Deep Cherry/Canyon Brown/Frost Beige * Lifetime Sirius * rear camera
'12 Fun Finder 215WSX TT
'48 Dodge Power Wagon 4sp 4x4
'00 RAM 2500 EC 4x4 SLT Auto 360 Magnum
'96 Suzuki Mini Truck 5sp 4x4
'53 Ford f100 50th Anniversary 440hp LS1 4l60E auto White/murgundy flames with scallops Moser Ford/Edsel 9" four link rear, as seen on History Channel Counting Cars "One Love, One Car" We are the Two Old Buzzards!
Reply With Quote
  #5  
Old 05-26-2005
Arctic Owl's Avatar
Arctic Owl Arctic Owl is offline
Senior Member
 
Join Date: Jan 2004
Location: Cambridge, Ontario, Canada
Posts: 509
Default Re: Joke of the day!

A couple has a dog that snores. Annoyed because she can't sleep, the wife goes to the vet to see if he can help.
The vet tells the woman to tie a ribbon around the dog's testicles and he will stop snoring.
"Yeah, right!" she says.
A few minutes after going to bed, the dog begins to snore, as usual.
The wife tosses and turns, unable to sleep. Muttering to herself, she goes to the closet and grabs a piece of red ribbon and ties it carefully
around the dog's testicles. Sure enough, the dog stops snoring!
The woman is amazed!
Later that night, her husband returns home drunk from being out drinking with his buddies. He climbs into bed, falls asleep and begins snoring
loudly. The woman thinks maybe the ribbon might work on him too.
So, she goes to the closet again, grabs a piece of blue ribbon and ties
it around her husband's testicles.
Amazingly, it also works on him! The woman sleeps soundly.
The husband wakes from his drunken stupor and stumbles into the bathroom.
As he stands in front of the toilet, he glances into the mirror and sees a blue ribbon attached to his privates. He is very confused and, as
walks back into the bedroom, he sees the red ribbon attached to his dog's testicles.
He shakes his head and looks at the dog and whispers, "I don't know where we were, or, what we did, but, by golly we took first and second
place!" [img]/forum/images/%%GRAEMLIN_URL%%/laugh.gif[/img] [img]/forum/images/%%GRAEMLIN_URL%%/laugh.gif[/img]
The Difference Between - Balls and Guts

We have all heard someone refer to a fellow male as, "Man, he's got guts." Or, perhaps the reference may have been: "That guy has some set of balls on him." I have always wondered what determines if a guy has balls, or if he has guts. While these two examples may not clarify the differences for you, hopefully they will provide some insight as to the difficulty of providing a precise and accurate definition and delineation. Perhaps you cannot have one without the other, and they are one and the same, although anatomically located in different areas of the body.
Guts - Arriving home late after a night out with the guys, being assaulted by your wife with a broom, and having the guts to ask: "Are you still cleaning, or are going to be flying somewhere on that thing?"
Balls - Arriving home late after a night out with the guys, smelling of perfume and beer, lipstick on your collar, slapping your wife on the ass and having the balls to say, "You're next!"
__________________
RAM 3500 CC Dually Laramie Long Box. BIG 5ver, 38 ft Snowvilla, 3 slides.
Travelling North America.
(Slowing Down on the Traveling)
Reply With Quote
  #6  
Old 05-26-2005
96CumminsTurbo 96CumminsTurbo is offline
Senior Member
 
Join Date: Mar 2005
Location: Pennsylvania
Posts: 695
Default Re: Joke of the day!

LOL ... Oh my god ... I havn't laughed that hard in a while
__________________
1996 Dodge Cummins 12 Valve
411.7rwph - 937.3 ft/tq @ 44 psi
Advanced Diesel Technology
<a href="http://www.smokindiesel.com" target="_blank">http://www.smokindiesel.com</a>
Reply With Quote
  #7  
Old 05-26-2005
Mighty White Mighty White is offline
Senior Member
 
Join Date: Sep 2004
Location: Moscow, Idaho
Posts: 309
Default Re: Joke of the day!

I laughed so hard the wife came in to see what the commotion was. Then she started laughing.....Now the kid is here, oh the inhumanity!!
__________________
2001 2500 QCSB 4X4, White, 5sp, 3.55 rear w/Dana 80 and posi-track, Dana 60 front, camper special. Rhino Bullbar and taillight protectors. Leer canopy.Westach Electric Fuel Gauge
Reply With Quote
  #8  
Old 05-27-2005
BigCountry BigCountry is offline
Senior Member
 
Join Date: May 2003
Location: Ft. Hood, Texas
Posts: 3,153
Default Re: Joke of the day!

What do you call a prostitute with her fingers up her shirt?

Self-Employed!
__________________
12' Power Wagon, Rambox, 66RFE

98' 2500, 4x4, 12v, lwb, black, mods? what mods?

96' 2500, 4x4, 1wb, DTT auto, PD pump, S&B Intake, 4" SS Exhaust
Reply With Quote
  #9  
Old 05-29-2005
Arctic Owl's Avatar
Arctic Owl Arctic Owl is offline
Senior Member
 
Join Date: Jan 2004
Location: Cambridge, Ontario, Canada
Posts: 509
Default Re: Joke of the day!

Dear Diary,
Day 1
We just celebrated our 35th wedding anniversary with not much to celebrate.
When it came time to reenact our wedding night, he locked himself in the bathroom and cried.

Day 2
Today, he says he has a big secret to tell me. He's impotent, he says, and he wants me to be the first to know. Why doesn't he tell me
something I don't know! I mean, he actually thinks I haven't noticed.

Day 3
This marriage is in trouble. A woman has needs. Something must change soon
Day 4

I'm hoping for a miracle. It's called Viagra. I told him that if
he takes Viagra, things will be just like they were on our wedding night. I think this will work. I replaced his Prozac Pills with the Viagra Pills, hoping to lift something other than his mood.
Day 5

What absolute bliss!!.

Day 6
Isn't life wonderful. But it's difficult to write while he's
exercising his new found MANHOOD.

Day 7
This Viagra thing has gone to his head. No pun intended!
Yesterday, at Burger King, the manager asked me if I'd like a Whopper. He thought they were talking about him. But, I have to admit it's very nice -- I don't think I've ever been so happy.

Day 8
I think he took too many over the weekend. Yesterday, instead of mowing the lawn, he was using his "new" friend as a weed whacker. I'm also getting abit sore.

Day 9
No time to write. He might catch me.

Day 10
Okay, I admit it. I'm hiding. I mean, a girl can only take so
much. What am I going to do?

Day 11
I'm basically being screwed to death here. It's like living with a Black and Decker drill. I woke up this morning pinned to the bed. He's a complete PIG.

Day 12
I wish he was gay. I've stopped wearing makeup, cleaning my teeth or even washing but he still keeps coming after me! Even yawning has become dangerous...

Day 13
Every time I shut my eyes, there's a sneak attack! It's like going to bed with a scud missile. I can hardly walk and if he tries that "Oops, sorry"thing again, I'll kill the bastard.

Day 14
I've done everything to turn him off. Nothing is working. I even started dressing like a Nun, but this just seems to make him hornier. Help me!

Day 15
I think I'll have to kill him. The cat and dog won't go near him and our friends don't come over any more.

Day 16
The bastard has started to complain about not getting enough. I hope the bloody thing explodes. I did suggest he might try stopping the Viagra and going back on Prozac.

Day 17
Switched the pills but it doesn't seem to have made any
difference...Christ! Here he comes again!

Day 18
Aaaahhhh! He's back on Prozac. The lazy bastard just
sits there in front of the TV all day with that remote control in his hand and expects me to do everything for him. What absolute bliss.

Moral:

Be careful what you ask for


Try This & sing along;
http://www.goodolddogs2.com/older.html


Reg
__________________
RAM 3500 CC Dually Laramie Long Box. BIG 5ver, 38 ft Snowvilla, 3 slides.
Travelling North America.
(Slowing Down on the Traveling)
Reply With Quote
  #10  
Old 06-01-2005
Arctic Owl's Avatar
Arctic Owl Arctic Owl is offline
Senior Member
 
Join Date: Jan 2004
Location: Cambridge, Ontario, Canada
Posts: 509
Default Re: Joke of the day!

The Joke of The Day should continue;

Old Bubba Applies for a Job at Wal-Mart.....

An office manager at Wal-Mart was given the task of hiring an individual to fill a job opening. After sorting through a stack of resumes he found four people who were equally qualified. He decided to call the four in and ask them only one question. Their answer would determine which of them would get the job.
The day came and as the four sat around the conference room table the interviewer asked, "What is the fastest thing you know of?"

Acknowledging the first man on his right, the man replied, "A THOUGHT". It just pops into your head. There's no warning that it's on the way; it's just there. A thought is the fastest thing I know of."
"That's very good!" replied the interviewer. "And now you sir?" he asked the second man
"Hmm.... let me see. A blink! It comes and goes and you don't know that it ever happened. A BLINK is the fastest thing I know of."
"Excellent!" said the interviewer. "The blink of an eye, that's a very popular cliché for speed."

He then turned to the third man who was contemplating his reply.
"Well, out at my dad's ranch, you step out of the house and on the wall there's a light switch. When you flip that switch, way out across the pasture the light in the barn comes on in less than an instant.
Yep, TURNING ON A LIGHT is the fastest thing I can think of."
The interviewer was very impressed with the third answer and thought he had found his man. "It's hard to beat the speed of light" he said.
Turning to Bubba, the fourth and final man, the interviewer posed the same question.
Old Bubba replied, "After hearing the three previous answers. It's obvious to me that the fastest thing known is DIARRHEA."
"WHAT!?" said the interviewer, stunned by the response.

"Oh I can explain." said Old Bubba. "You see the other day I wasn't feeling so good, and I ran for the bathroom, but, before I could THINK, BLINK, or TURN ON THE LIGHT, I had already **** in my pants.

Ole Bubba is now the new greeter at a Wal-Mart near you!!!!
[img]/forum/images/%%GRAEMLIN_URL%%/laugh.gif[/img] [img]/forum/images/%%GRAEMLIN_URL%%/laugh.gif[/img] [img]/forum/images/%%GRAEMLIN_URL%%/smile.gif[/img]

Reg
__________________
RAM 3500 CC Dually Laramie Long Box. BIG 5ver, 38 ft Snowvilla, 3 slides.
Travelling North America.
(Slowing Down on the Traveling)
Reply With Quote
Reply

Thread Tools Search this Thread
Search this Thread:

Advanced Search

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off

Forum Jump


All times are GMT -6. The time now is 08:47 PM.


Powered by vBulletin® Version 3.8.4
Copyright ©2000 - 2014, Jelsoft Enterprises Ltd.
Copyright © 2013 www.dieselram.com. All material found on this site is property of DieselRam.com.Ad Management plugin by RedTyger