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  #441  
Old 06-19-2014
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Arctic Owl Arctic Owl is offline
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A platoon of Canadian soldiers were marching north of Kandahar when they came upon an Afghani terrorist, badly injured and unconscious.

On the opposite side of the road was a Canadian soldier in a similar but less serious state. The soldier was conscious and alert and as first aid was given to both men, the Platoon Leader asked the injured
Canadian what had happened.

The soldier reported;
'I was heavily armed and moving north along the highway here, and coming south was a heavily armed insurgent. We saw each other and both took cover in the ditches along the road.

I yelled to him that Ayman Zawahiri(leader of Al-Qaeda) was a miserable, lowlife scum bag who got what he deserved.

He yelled back that Justin Trudeau is a privileged, bureaucratic, good-for-nothing, left wing dickhead who knows Bugger all about running a country.

So I said that Osama Bin Ladin dressed and acted like a frigid, mean-spirited Camel humping lesbian!

He retaliated by yelling;
'Oh yeah? Well, so does Kathleen Wynne!'

And, then there we were, in the middle of the road, laughing, shaking hands, when a truck hit us.'

For those of you who do not know, the Premier or our Province is Gay. No, not happy, Gay.

Reg
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  #442  
Old 06-19-2014
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Gary Thornton Gary Thornton is offline
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Very funny. Thanks.
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  #443  
Old 07-25-2015
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cougar cougar is offline
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Husbands should know better

Two police officers responding to a domestic disturbance with shots fired arrive on scene.After discovering the wife had shot her husband for walking across her freshly mopped floor, they call their sergeant on his cell phone.

"Hello Sarge."

"Yes?"

"It looks like we have a homicide here.

"What happened?"

"A woman has shot her husband for stepping on the floor she had just mopped."

"Have you placed her under arrest?"

“No sir. The floor is still wet. “
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01 2500 Q cab 4X4, stage II auto, fresh VP-44, HX35, B T E and F gauges, FASS 95 adjustable.
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  #444  
Old 07-26-2015
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bigreddog bigreddog is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by cougar View Post
Husbands should know better

Two police officers responding to a domestic disturbance with shots fired arrive on scene.After discovering the wife had shot her husband for walking across her freshly mopped floor, they call their sergeant on his cell phone.

"Hello Sarge."

"Yes?"

"It looks like we have a homicide here.

"What happened?"

"A woman has shot her husband for stepping on the floor she had just mopped."

"Have you placed her under arrest?"

“No sir. The floor is still wet. “
LOL That's the way it is here too!
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  #445  
Old 07-26-2015
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Clunk Clunk is offline
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That's funny, thanks!
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Time to turn so's you don't burn.

Quote:
Originally Posted by cougar View Post
If you remove the gutters, you won't have to clean them. Problem solved..
True love is when she gives you the ham from her egg mcmuffin
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  #446  
Old 07-29-2015
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anoldbiker anoldbiker is offline
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The other day I went over to the nearby CVS Pharmacy.

When I got there, I went straight to the back of the store, where the Pharmacists’ Counter is located.

I took out a little brown bottle with a teaspoon and laid them both onto the counter.

The pharmacist came over, smiled, then ask in a soft pleasant voice if he could help me.

I said “Yes, could you please taste this for me ?”

I believe being I am a senior citizen … the young pharmacist just went alone with me.

He picked up the spoon, took a tiny bit of the liquid from the little brown bottle and swirled it on his tongue.

Then, with a stomach-churning look on his face, he spit it out on the floor and began coughing and wheezing loudly.

When he finally finished, I looked him right in the eye and asked, “Now, does that taste sweet to you young man ?”

The pharmacist, shaking his head back and forth with a venomous look in his eyes yelled … “HELL NO !”

So I said, “Oh, thank God. That’s a real relief. My Doctor told me to get a pharmacist to test my urine for sugar.”

Well, I can never go back to that CVS again, but I really don’t care, they aren’t that friendly to their customers.

… and I don’t like them anymore.
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2006 Ram, 2500, Big Horn, 5.9, 4x4, Q/Cab, 48RE, L/B, 3.73, S&B Dry CAI, ProFlo 5" S/S exhaust, Smarty Touch, Oil Bypass Filter Kit, Coolant Bypass Kit, Transfer Flow 56 gal tank, 110 gallon in-bed tank, XX-Fuel filter system, Mag-Hytec front & rear covers, 285 x 70 x 17

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  #447  
Old 07-29-2015
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Clunk Clunk is offline
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Ooo yuk....lol!
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Time to turn so's you don't burn.

Quote:
Originally Posted by cougar View Post
If you remove the gutters, you won't have to clean them. Problem solved..
True love is when she gives you the ham from her egg mcmuffin
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  #448  
Old 03-17-2016
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gadget gadget is offline
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Haven't heard one like that since my wife put the Preparation H on the toothpaste shelf...
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  #449  
Old 03-22-2016
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Clunk Clunk is offline
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Double Ooo yuk....lol!
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01.5,Red QC Sport SWB,HO,6spd,4x4,cowl hood, Drag Comp,4"ex., fuel press. gauge, boost&pyro gauges, bhaf, single Holley lift pump next to the fuel tank/13psi WOT, Vulcan Big Line, cheapo fuel cooler, Amsoil in the trans. & Valvoline in the pan, 62-65-.70A/R, ARP studs, kevlar/ceramic SD clutch, 7x.013" Maxstix

Time to turn so's you don't burn.

Quote:
Originally Posted by cougar View Post
If you remove the gutters, you won't have to clean them. Problem solved..
True love is when she gives you the ham from her egg mcmuffin
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  #450  
Old 06-24-2017
trollwzrd trollwzrd is offline
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Today I placed my S&W Model 19 .357 Magnum Revolver on the table right next to my front door. I left 6 cartridges beside it, then left it alone and went about my business.

While I was gone, the mailman delivered my mail, the neighbor across the street mowed the yard, a girl walked her dog down the street, and quite a few cars stopped at the stop sign near the front of my house.

After about an hour, I checked on the gun. It was still sitting there, right where I had left it. It hadn't moved itself outside. It certainly hadn't killed anyone, even with the numerous opportunities it had presented to do s o In fact, it hadn't even loaded itself. Well you can imagine my surprise, with all the hype by the Left and the Media about how dangerous guns are and how they kill people. Either the media is wrong or I'm in possession of the laziest gun in the world.

The United States is 3rd in Murders throughout the World.
But if you take out just 4 cities: Chicago, Detroit, Washington DC, and New Orleans, the United States is 4th from the bottom, in the entire world, for Murders.
These 4 Cities also have the toughest Gun Control Laws in the U.S.
ALL 4 of these cities are controlled by Democrats.
It would be absurd to draw any conclusions from this data right?

Well, I'm off to check on my spoons.
I hear they are making people fat.
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